A strange (but nice) thing happens when a parent is out with their young child with Down syndrome.  People are often very nice and many are attracted to young children and babies.  They want to make contact in some way, particularly when they spy the syndrome.  Let’s face it, there is something incredibly attractive about the Down syndrome facial features (OK, I admit I am biased.)  When strangers encounter your child, they invariably will ask “what’s your name?” or “how old are you?”  If your child does not respond, they may stop talking to your child assuming that she does not understand/ talk.  It is therefore vital that your child can respond to these common questions as soon as they are able.  To train a response, sit opposite your child and ask “what’s your name?” as a stranger would ask (i.e. use the tone a stranger would use).  Immediately after asking the question, move your child’s hand to her chest to gesture to herself and simultaneously say your child’s name.  Repeat this, a number of times each a session.  If she gets fed up, stop and do it later.  After a few days of training, pause between asking the question and giving any assistance to see if she will at least gesture to herself unprompted.  Fade out using prompts as soon as possible.  
Follow the same procedure for teaching the response to your child’s age.  Later help generalization (responding to other questions with the same meaning) by asking “What’s your age?  How old are you?”

As well as empowering your child to respond to frequently- asked questions, you need to guard your family against the “special” treatment.  You know what I mean, the family members, friends and members of the community who ask about and interact with your child with Down syndrome far more than with your other children.  Sometimes people need a gentle prompt (e.g., “David’s big sister here just got 100% on her spelling test!) and sometimes they may need a sledge hammer (e.g., “Thank you, but my son is too young for candy, but his sister here would love it.”)  I have heard many parents complain about the double standards that people apply to individuals with and without Down syndrome.  For example, my own daughter at 4 picked up a candy bar from the checkout at a store and when I told her to put it back (as I had done with my son), the woman at the till told me that it was “alright” and that she could have it.  Haaallllloooo!  

All this attention is coming from genuine care and love but can be difficult for siblings who may feel pushed out (and parents who may feel undermined).  We also do not want our little ones with Down syndrome to feel that they are “special” anymore than anyone else.  They must learn to obey the same rules as everyone else or they will not survive in the community as adults.

© Ann Haig Wheeler, DSC 2009

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