So it's the 7^th July and we're off to the airport! No sooner out the door and we’re back again – forgot the sat nav! And now we’re off...…again!

Park the car and I start to think, this is the first time we are going away as a family of five. We’re flying to Toulouse, hiring a car, and driving down to Wes's parent’s house for our annual two week 'vaccances'. The travelling party consists of ten humans, three buggies, numerous cameras, sat navs, ghds, and chargers galore, you know yourself, we’re travelling light!!!

By the way, our second buggy, which has been commandeered by Miss Lucy Lou, is a brand new, oh so special, and oh so loud, bright pink Fifi and the Flowertots number, not to be missed! Now I know some of you are thinking, ‘I flew out that day and I saw that lovely discreet buggy and its entourage!’ Well she loves it, so I figured she’d stay in it (main priority!), and the whole airport wouldn’t have to witness the “Fifiness” of the whole thing!

One of the things Wes said to me, when he was having a very rare rant about Poppy and her wonkiness was, “We'll get used to it; people will just stare when we’re out, especially on holiday.” As you can imagine this thought comes back like a big black cloud as we are getting on the airport bus. Are they looking? Is it ok??? Am I going into the cave before the door of the plane has even opened??

Anyway, we get on the bus in one piece. Five humans, two buggies, cameras etc, you know the drill. Inevitably, I start talking to a lovely couple who are off to San Francisco for a few weeks. Lovely people, no kids, but the lady’s sister has six. She tells me stories of her travels and talks about her nieces and nephews like they are her own!

She had Polio as a child and after one of her numerous operations in her twenties, she went off on a camping trip against her Doctor's advice. She woke up one morning thinking she had been crushed and paralysed but soon realised that there had been a flood and her plaster was soaking. For fear of going to a hospital she carried on and camped ‘a la me style’ in a cheap hotel - I don't do canvas or movable partitions! They were the nicest people and not a stare between them, except perhaps in envy (she told me she would have loved to have children) as she looked at us a family of five heading off on our jolliers!

So in we go to the terminal and put the bags through.  It's all going great me thinks, no staring, no pity. On the plane I am so, so happy and have a little glass du vin to celebrate.

Long story short, we arrive, take a trip to Hypermarket, put a dint in the wallet to the tune of €400 and settle ourselves in! Among those on the jolliers with us is Sinead (keeper of the cave), twins Aidan and Finn, and Ella Bella Bing Bong (Poppy's pal born six days after her).

It was Poppy’s first time on a plane and she was brilliant, good as gold. She ate, slept and drank at normal times.  I didn't notice if people noticed us. I am sure they probably did but I will never know what they were thinking. Be it good, bad, pity, sorrow, or like my bus pals, maybe envy at our happy little family unit heading off for a break.   

The next day saw more firsts. Max was diving into the sea like an Olympic champion, jumping through the waves and there was a front crawl attempt, excellent stuff! It was the first time I saw his confidence and it was great. We also celebrated his 6^th birthday - I can’t believe my little baby is six! He got his first watch, a Batman Flick Flak, and he is delighted with himself!

There is also a lot of firsts for our Lovely little Lucy, the fearless one! She tastes calamari and mussels and she dives under water. But this is her third summer, so most of her firsts have already happened!  She had her first swim when she was 9 weeks old so now she just tries her best to keep up with the lads! She truly is a stunning girl.

I however have a huge first moment with my little girl. She loves having a chat, and in the afternoon after her salad roll, she climbs on my lap to have her, “I ur best friend, I a gud girl”, chat. She is articulate, pretty, and my goodness, if things aren't going her way she will fight her corner in some not so good ways! So there we are, talking and playing, and I am tickling her belly button which always sends her into kinks and in that instant I realised for the first time ever, looking at my little doll, that this is where she was attached. That's our connection. The bond and life-force that kept us going for the 8months she was there. Wowee! All I could do was hug one of the greatest loves of my Life, Lucy Greta, who makes and breaks my heart everyday.

Then another big first happened.  Poppy the Popstar had her first haircut at approximately 11am on the 10^th July. Out came the blue kitchen scissors and Vidal Sassoon, aka Mom and Dad, got snipping. The 4” long comb over that began life on the 19^th November, kindly referred to as her 'Jedward look', had to go! Vidal (Mom) snipped and clipped, and Sassoon (Dad) flashed and photographed the auspicious moment while seven cheerleaders clapped and whooped!

I had some very bad moments and very bad days on hols. Old thoughts that haunted me came back plus some new ones decided to jump on the bandwagon – thanks a lot!!! The cave door opened a few times, but luckily ‘Sinead the Cave Keeper’, who has been a rock all the way, kept me from the door and dragged me back outside to the blistering 30+ sunshine! I thank her and love her for that. But most of the time there were lots of laughs, wine, food, stories, chats and discussions that needed to be had. There was also the inevitable tears, some of sadness, some of poignancy, and some of peace.

Then it happened like a bolt of lighting from out of the blue. I didn’t realise lightning was forecast? The Mulcahy’s departed for the second part of their holidays in the West (of Ireland), and the next vaccancioneers arrived. Enter the in-laws, John (aka Pappa), Catherine (aka Granny) and cousin Gwen. We’re at a street party outside the house which is great fun and I am thoroughly amused as I can't speak French! But the more Grape Juice I drink, the more fluent I become in my own colloquial way. I have hooked up with a 90 year old, Mr. Moustache Jacques, and I am falling around laughing, tears rolling down my face, and then it hit me……...like a mirror of lightning and I am suspended in time! I am looking at myself from the outside and for the FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME (since 19^th Nov) I SAW MYSELF! The old me; the one that laughs so hard; the one that sometimes doesn't think and just has fun. It was like being me for the first time all over again  and it was great.

By the way, I saw myself a few times on hols, and we had lots of special moments with Max, Lucy and Poppy. Myself and Wes even got to go out for dinner for the first time on our own in I don’t know how long! And guess what, we had a great time!!

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