Establish a routine
From an early age, infants and young children learn about food and eating by observation.  This is especially true of children with special needs who often get stuck into routines; make this work for you.  Establish for your child a routine centring on language, manners and the enjoyment of mealtimes.  It doesn’t matter if your child is not eating at the same time, he can ‘mess’ around with food on a plate while the rest of the family eats.  Involve your child as appropriate with table conversation and passing foods to members of the family.  Again, do not focus on the differences in feeding methods or foods consumed.  The focus is on the family gathering around the table and conversing with each other.  

Avoid pressure and stress!
It is easy to focus too much on a child’s feeding difficulties or patterns and the concerns that we may have about the child’s welfare.   Even very young children can often sense this concern and they can learn that feeding is unpleasant and stressful – not the result we are looking for!  This can add to any already existing difficulties.  Children who find eating unpleasant are less likely to want to eat and are at risk of developing feeding problems secondary to any medical condition they may have.   

All children go through stages when they are picky eaters or when their appetite is not strong.  As difficult as it may be, it is important to not scold or coerce the child to eat against their will.  Praising him when he does eat will work far better to develop the behaviour you want to see.  If you are concerned about whether or not your child is getting enough to eat or drink, consult a dietician.  

At around age two children want more independence and that is when power struggles can emerge around food if we are not careful.  When your child is able, you can involve him in setting the table, serving food, folding napkins.  All of these ideas are positive ways that a young child can exert his independence and help to develop the concept that mealtimes are pleasant.  The main idea, however, is to not show your child any emotional responses to their feeding.  If the eating is difficult for your child for any reason, discuss any problems you are experiencing with a doctor, speech therapist or dietician.  

Give everyone equal attention
Making sure that the child with special needs does not get most of the attention is essential to ensure healthy relationships.  Other people in the family, especially children, can feel they are not as important and can feel slighted when conversations and interactions are about “syndrome” issues.  This can, at times, be responsible for siblings misbehaving in order to get attention.  Try to make time each day to talk with members of your family about what matters to them.  

© Ann Haig Wheeler, DSC 2010

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