Like many Christians around the world, I look forward to Christmas time.  I love the music, the gift giving, the parties, the worship, and time with family and friends.  The best time is the few days leading up to Christmas when I am off work and the kids are off from school.

Since Allie was about 5 she has become excited about counting down the days and talking about Santa’s visit.  Like most kids, she salivates at the sight of presents under the tree, but knows not to touch them.  We have a family tradition that the kids can open one present of their choice on Christmas Eve and I always pretend to forget and see who will remind me.  It was always my son, but the last few years it has been Allie who prompted proceedings.  Not necessarily because she remembered, mainly I think because her brother told her to ask when they could open their presents.  Yes, there is value in having a brother or sister.  

This is all pretty normal stuff but it makes me reflect on the other ways that the two benefit from each other.  Apart from the normal sibling relationships, there are differences for siblings when one (or more) of them has Down syndrome.  

For the child with Down syndrome, when they have siblings I call it the Sibling Calvary because that is exactly what having siblings is for them.  The child with Down syndrome learns well from watching others and what a great way to learn to play and other kid skills when you have a sibling to show you how.  Because the siblings are being themselves, the child with Down syndrome does not feel that she is being taught and she is more likely to be interested in what is going on.  Most children with Down syndrome do not readily play with dolls and cars without being shown how to do so.  Parents with other children rarely have to sit on the floor to make a concerted effort to teach this play.  If your child is an only child with few close cousins, chances are you will need to play cars and dolls a lot.  This has obvious advantages for development.  Little things like staying current with all the trends (e.g., will you know when the latest vogue is so last year?) and not to mention toilet training! 

Siblings, too, benefit greatly from having a brother or sister with Down syndrome.  There are draw backs (as in any relationship), but there are definite advantages.  I remember one of the first times my son brought this to my attention when his sister was still very young.  He told me that he was glad his sister had Down syndrome because “there are so many parties!”  OK, not quite a good reason, but it is a valid viewpoint.  We did have far more parties after Allie came on the scene.  What research has shown is that siblings often gain in character when they grow up with their brother or sister with Down syndrome.  My son wants to go into a caring profession (common for siblings) and he has a heart of gold-not that I am biased.  He is a teenager and never appears embarrassed by his sister.  I was really struck one day when Allie and I were watching her brother play a football game.  She was cheering loudly and then joined the cheerleaders.  Drew could have ignored us after the game and met us at the car, but instead he came over to sit with her after he finished playing.   As usual, she had drawn a crowd and was holding court.  Drew was not fazed as he sat right down and claimed her as his sister and even hugged her.  I think this is an inspiration to us all.  I am not sure if he would have been like this had his sister been typically developing.

There are difficulties that siblings face, too.  I will talk about these a bit in my next post.


© Ann Haig Wheeler, DSC 2009

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