Preschool-aged children should comply with an instruction they are given about 75 to 80% of the time.  There is no reason why a child with Down syndrome should differ in this statistic as long as the language used is adapted.  A parent recently told me that I had “toddler magic” and could get her daughter to do things that she could not.  I told the mom that it was probably because I was not her child’s mother that she complied with my direction.  That said, there are other factors which can influence how well a child complies with an instruction.  I have divided these factors into “instruction delivery” and “follow through”.

Instruction Delivery

·         Is your child sick, tired, or stressed?  If so, like all of us, he is less likely to comply with directions. 

·         Make sure that you are heard.  For young children, eye contact and close proximity is sometimes required and is always helpful.  It is not always possible, but where and when you can, make sure that your child is aware that you are expecting something from him.  Children can get very involved in their play and may not be aware that you are even there.  Also, if you get their attention then they have no excuse to pretend that they did not hear you!  (A trick I have seen many clever little people try!)

·         Give warnings if you are redirecting a child.  Transitions are hard for all of us, especially if we are moving away from something we are enjoying.  If you are telling your child that it is now time to go, give him a 5-minute warning first.  You may even want to then give 3-minute and 1-minute warnings afterward.  This gives your child time to organise for the transition.  A typically-developing child will have trouble transitioning up to the third birthday.  A child with Down syndrome may have trouble for a few years longer.  All people have trouble transitioning at times (I did not want to leave my bath last night.)

·         Teach your child the concept of “first….then”.  When a child understands this simple time relationship, you can really use it to your advantage if the direction you need to give is not a favorite.  It’s often called Grandma’s Law:  “First clean up your toys, THEN we will go outside.”  Basically, you are pointing out a positive benefit or consequence for doing something unpleasant.  Make sure, though, that the toys are cleaned up before going outside or this technique will not work.

·         If the job you are directing your child to do is huge (e.g. a very messy room to be cleaned), then break it into parts in some way.  Tell your child to clean up just the blocks and play food (good sorting activity) and you help do the rest.  A very messy room can be overwhelming, but if you break it into chunks then it doesn’t seem so bad.  Adults find this easier to do than children.

·         Do not ASK your child to do something that you mean for them to do.  If you are giving an instruction of something you require, TELL them.  It’s OK to say thank you afterwards, but be aware that tagging a “please” onto a request makes it just that- a request.  “Will you pick up this room, please?”  No.  Better to say “Pick up your toys” and later “Thank you, the room looks great.”

·         Ask only once, twice if you think it reasonable that he did not hear you the first time.  It’s the law of supply and demand.  If he learns that you will tell him to do something three times before the veins on your neck stand out, then he will wait for you to instruct him three times before he will comply.

Follow Through

Once you have employed the tips above, if your child:

COMPLIES:  Praise him

DOES NOT COMPLY:  Are you sure he heard you?  If not, give the benefit of the doubt and restate the instruction and be sure to get his attention.  If he still does not comply, then help him to comply.  This means physically taking his hands and helping him pick up the toys.  This sends a clear message that you meant what you said and ensures that compliance is more likely next time.  There is no reason to give a lecture, and this could even be reinforcing as it is attention.  Just restate the instruction and then help him comply.  Once you feel him start to move on his own steam, back off and let him take over.  Then give quiet praise for complying. 

© Ann Haig Wheeler, DSC 2010

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