Poppy the Popstar!
It’s the 18th November and the flaming heating is broken! Wes aka ‘Silo Sam’ (cause he spends so much time out in the Silo looking at the pellets) has been out there for 4 hours trying to fix it and the house is getting colder and colder by the minute! I am now 95 months pregnant (or so it seems) and this could be the thing that tips me over the edge. “I am going to have the baby and have to bring it home in the freezing cold!” I scream. I spend the night walking the floor moving the one blow heater we have around the rooms. No heating means no hot water so myself and Lucy (18months) have to go for a swim to the pool the next day to have a warm shower. The heating company swears they’ll be here by 4.30pm at the latest! I have been calling them repeatedly since 7.30am. Eventually at 5.15pm they call and say the guy has been held up and won’t be here till tomorrow morning first thing!! Hormones rage, I cry on the phone and tell the girl in the office (who I know doesn’t give a monkey’s) that I think I’m going into labour (mocking is catching) and what will I do without heat? So lovely husband comes home and we are discussing our planned night out on the 19th to see Gift Grub Live and who is going to mind the kids (Max 5, Lucy 18mths) and won’t it be grand if my waters break from laughing as we will be right beside Holles St – a much better scenario than being at home (we live in Gorey!). Fast forward 10 minutes from this conversation and I turn into a psycho because I fear Wesley is playing Café on face bloody book and serving fake halibut and Cyber Chicken to imaginary people!! Who cares?? Lucy is going around sticking her fingers in sockets and I am trying to cook real chicken for them. I stomp off into the office and scream and there are a few choice words and a phone thrown at husband’s head and I trot, well storm off, buy some magazines in Tesco and go look at the stormy seas to read them. I come home and am planning to leave them all forever and go off on my own, but I need the en-suite and a sleep so I slink off to bed with a bar of Galaxy and live in my own silent movie of all picture and no sound. I wake at 2.15am feeling a bit odd but fall back asleep and wake again at 3am with contractions 7mins apart – thank goodness I didn’t leave them now! After a few of them I know this is it so I wake Wes (we aren’t talking and it’s very hard to sign that you are in labour so I have to agree a temporary truce in my head). I tell him we have to go, they’re 7 minutes apart! I call my Mom at 3.30am (40mins away) and in my head I am thinking we’ll get to Holles St in lovely time for an Epidural and we can have a calm chat on the way about our previous altercations. There is another voice in my head, darling husband Wes, and he is going on about me putting on a fleece and not getting cold! Does he not realise I am baying like a donkey, I can’t breathe and the sweat is rolling off me? I also remember I have a nail appointment for tomorrow so my nails aren’t done! Yes, that thought actually did flash through my mind! But at least I had my hair blow dried. 3.47am and I have to go downstairs backwards now, baying like a donkey and I am begging Wes to call an ambulance. When I get to the bottom I want to push.
“Stop being a drama queen your waters haven’t even gone yet! There’s no need for an ambulance either you are just upset cause you haven’t had an epidural!”
Hello I have to push, did he not hear me? I try to slink off into the downstairs bedroom so I can shout and I am confronted with the bold dog tone, “Where do you think you are going? You’re not going in there to push. This is not happening, be quiet, put your coat on and stop shouting you’ll wake the kids!”
Oh excuse me while I stop baying but I think I am going to die, my insides are crawling out and I swear if he mentions putting a coat on again I am going to inflict labour on him!
Then Wes is standing beside me forcing my arms into a turquoise tracksuit top because it’s cold.
“I have to push”, I roar. “Call 999, call Hilary!” The neighbour is a nurse.
"No way, this is not happening we are going to hospital”, I was told.I am now being man handled and have started space walking out in my new hospital slippers to Wes’s lovely new 09 Aventis company car (serves him right), and I am left standing at the door on the passenger side with the rain beating down on my face – there goes my lovely blow dry!
I climb into the car the only way I can and am facing the back seat holding the head rest when I have to push! ONE BIG PUSH out comes the head! I know I am supposed to pant now (remembered somewhere in the back of my brain from the last two!) PANT PANT PANT….
One more push and out comes the baby. OMG, OMG! Oh My God! It falls into my pj bottoms and I go searching to find it. Not that it’s important but they are my favourite pair from Next, a black pair and I look fab in them even at 95months pregnant! Back to the searching, I find the baby and I tell you Wes was right about one thing, my waters hadn’t gone until it popped out and then in one push my whole world changed beyond comprehension and I didn’t even realise it! One little involuntary move and my world turned upside down and inside out and it’s a different colour now!! It has turned pink now you’ll be glad to hear as opposed to the black, black colour it was that night. And it was nothing to do with the dark!
So I see the baby (I think it’s a him for about 25mins but soon realise it’s a girl) and I know instantly what is right/wrong/different/better/worse and my heart breaks in a way I never knew possible. Then she stops breathing. I am in the car, it’s a dark stormy night, I have nobody with me and I have just delivered my own baby! Oh my God! I still haven’t let myself think what I know is true, but I know in that split second that I need the baby to be OK. I suddenly remember everything I ever learnt/saw on ER, Holby City or in a magazine and give her mouth to nose. It takes a while but she cries, she breathes and she is alive. Not ok in my head the way I thought she would be ok. But she’s ok.
Where is Wes I hear you ask? Why is the engine not on? Why am I still in the dark? WESSSSSSSS…… you can imagine the scream. And who closed the passenger door? When he arrives I am holding the baby and the sight of the tiny human sends him off running like Seb Coe up and down the driveway like a nut. He falls over the neighbor’s fence, jumps up covered in muck and bangs down the door screaming till Hilary the nurse appears. By the way, he was in having a glass of sprite as he was a little thirsty and stressed, god love him! It’s 4.04am now so we think the baby’s time of birth is 4.02am.
Hilary gets into the car and she puts towels on my head! HELLO can you please turn the car on and get us a duvet!! I instantly know that she knows! I keep saying over and over, “is the baby ok she looks wonky?”I am sooooo thirsty (we should be sponsored by Sprite), so Wes brings me out a drink in Lucy’s sippy cup!! OMG, I just delivered our child on my own in the car I think I can drink without a spout!!!!!
Four days later (20mins) the ambulance arrives and then mom arrives doing her Queens wave from the car. I see little heads waving from the window, my babies, Max and Lucy are awake. Life will never be the same for them again, they are no longer just brother and sister, lone rangers, everything has changed in every way!
Long story short, the ambulance arrives and yippee it’s warm, we are on our way. The blow-dry now resembles Monica from Friends in Barbados scene with the humidity hair! Wes steps into the ambulance and says he is going to follow us, he is in tears, and I never realised for 3 months that he knew straight away that Poppy (aptly named by her grandfather as she popped out!) was a Popstar!
I breastfeed her in the ambulance, we eventually get there and I am still uttering the question, “is she alright she looks wonky?” By the way I know, I have known since the second I saw her, I studied medicine. By asking do I want them to say ‘YES’ so I know or ‘NO’ and make it go away? I still don’t know.
In we go and they say, “we have our suspicions” and there it is, the sound of a breaking plate or was it my heart on the floor? The sound of the dishes falling off a dresser or was it Wes’s heart breaking? I can never go on holiday again; people will look at us! Is it my fault? What happened? I really wanted another baby. Poppy is ‘Cilla Black, Surprise, Surprise’ in more ways than one, is it my fault?
The nurse comes over with a cotton ball and says “let’s get u cleaned up!” She has seen the state of me and god love her, she gets her cotton ball out and scrubs an inch of my leg (Beyonce has the slimmest ass in history and Serena Williams has thighs like matchsticks compared to me) so where was she going with one cotton ball? I go to shower and it was the nicest shower ever, my brain didn’t think any thoughts except soap, soap, soap and clean, clean, clean!!! The nicest shower I’ve ever had in my whole life!!!!
Out I come into my new reality!!!!!!!!! I don’t like it by the way and I don’t want it. I didn’t ask for it! Is it wrong to think like this?
We get to the room and people are waiting to hear from us. What do we say? Are they going to say congratulations? Are we happy or sad??? What are we?
I look in the cot and Poppy looks very blue, like she’s cold. I ring the bell and the nurses come down, I know they suspect I’m having bonding issues. Hello… of course I am!! She looks a little wonky so they take her away and she is cold, not enough oxygen, fluid on her lungs. And there it begins, the week without her.
She is in the incubator on oxygen and she is shunting a lot - she’s on mad antibiotics for fluid on the lungs. Did they not listen? She fell into my pajamas bottoms!! She probably inspirited fluid!
I by the way am in total denial (notice I can’t even say the words). I am weeping all over the incubator. Everyone’s wrong. I know this isn’t right, this can’t be happening. I was 33 conceiving Poppy. I walk or swim every day; I eat fish, vegetables and fruit. I am a good person. I take her out to breastfeed her and she is so good. But why me I think? Why me???
Wes keeps saying she does have it so I do what I do best at times like this...I go into happy, happy denial, I love it! I also go into medical mode; they are doing ECG and blood tests now. Wes goes home at 6am to let the heating man in (yes the house is still sub zero) and I am left with a “broken baby”, tests and a Popstar IN AN INCUBATOR.
Her ECG is perfect and I know this is the best news ever! We have a follow on appointment for Dr Orla Franklin in Crumlin in 6 weeks, but I know it’s going to be ok. They do the chromosome tests and off they go to Wales. I need them done to prove they’re wrong. Wes needs them done because he knows they’re right and he needs me to accept it.
I now fully understand the Kubhler Ross cycle of Grief - denial, anger, realization and then acceptance. It takes a long time to get from one to the other believe me.
Sue will be posting regular updates so don't forget to watch this space!
Got a question for Susan Longmore? If so, drop her an email here.
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Amazing story and amazingly written, I laughed & cried all at the same time. She is a beautiful little lady. Congrats to you all xo
Posted on July 6, 2010
Blessed to have you as a friend buddy, I could hear you reading that out to me and am in tears at my desk in work. Love you all loads and can't wait to see you all soon.
PS - Get a book deal, you would fly off the shelf girl xxxxx
Posted on July 6, 2010
amazing story sue - captured all your emotions in it - defo write the book xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on July 6, 2010
so proud of you sue,it turned out brilliant,i laughed & cried reading it,you are an inspiration to us your family and everyone who meets you.max,lucy & of course poppy are truely lucky to have wonderful parents like you & wes xxxx
Posted on July 6, 2010
Well told Sue,you have me in bits reading it..c u soonxxx
Posted on July 6, 2010
Hi Sue,
Had the pleasure of being apart of your second birth ! pity I wasn't around for your third LOL. The comments above are so true I have been laughing and crying reading it !! the kids think im nuts. You have to write more and continue the story xoxox you have 3 beautiful kids xoxoxoxo
Posted on July 6, 2010
Susan,
What an epic tale, excellently written, you always had a way with words Sue!! Talk about stirring a mixture of emotions while reading!!
You truely are an amazing person, an amazing friend to me and wife to Wes but most of all you are the most amazing mum to Max, Lucy & little Poppy. Most definitely she chose ye to look after her knowing that ye were something special.
Write the book, we'll all be behind you!!
Lots of love,
Marie, Tom & baby Jamie XXX
Posted on July 6, 2010
ah sue this is so priceless what an entrance for a popstar! wait till you write about wes and the boiler!!!!!
Posted on July 6, 2010
Thank you for sharing your story Sue, I look forward very much to reading more you have an amazing way of writing and your baby Poppy is just absolutely gorgeous.x
Posted on July 6, 2010
Susan, I am laughing and crying at the same time! I had heard the story, but the way you have written it is both funny and touching.
Even before you had Poppy, I always said you had a book in you. Reading this, I think there is an epic!
So proud of you. Love you lots. Dad XXXXXXXXX
Posted on July 6, 2010
Hi Sue,
Well, what can I say. I have to add to the comments that you are a fantasic example you any Mum. Particularly a mum of three, with one who is more demading on your time, not to mention you fit a job in around your family! I can't get the image out of my head, searching for Poppy in your Jammies! So well written - don't leave the pen too far away. Looking forward to the next instalment! Have a hug.
Eileen
Posted on July 6, 2010
Sue,
Just reading this again and the comments reminds me of what a truly amazing person, wife, and friend u are...never mind being the most amazing mother to your 3 fab children, you touch the lives of many and heart of all.
x x x Sinead
Posted on July 6, 2010
Sue,
Wow! Reading this brought both smiles & tears, you and Wes are such amazing people and your 3 little Angels are so lucky to have you both. You really are an inspiration to so many people & we are so lucky to know you both. Thank you for sharing this with everyone. Love, Nikki & Darragh xx
Posted on July 6, 2010
Sue,
You are amazing and brave lady, you are strong and with you and Wes as parents you can get through anything, you have a beautiful daughter to be a brilliant sister to Lucy and Max. I cant wait to read your next blog, and as your friend already commented, get a book deal you are a brilliant writer you could make a fortune, All my love Lynda
Posted on July 6, 2010
Susan,
You are great person, and what a wonderful family you have...i think you should write the book i would buy it.
Sacha x
Posted on July 6, 2010
What an amazing story and what a gorgeous little girl. My little Zoe was born 4 mins after I got to hospital - very glad we made it. Just like you I immediately knew she was wonky - what a lovely way to put it! Look forward to reading more about Poppy! Sx
Posted on July 6, 2010
Fair play to you pet, I know it took alot of courage to write the amazing story love you millions and millions 143 and Poppers too of course, even if you still kinda make me look like a moron... you forgot to mention that I needed the Sprite because there was a bit of Ghandi's sandal going on after the French game (Le Hand) earlier that evening during the "All picture no sound" episode.
If you do decide to write about " Me & the Boiler" make sure you let me know before hand ..hand get it !! Ha ha,
Well done,
Love you.
Posted on July 6, 2010
Sue you had me laughing and crying, you have an amazing way to tell your story. Poppy is a beautiful little girl. Lots of love to you all, Jo x
Posted on July 6, 2010
Sue, fantastic story! When Jack arrived (not as dramatically as Poppy!) we went through the same emotions and separation (week in the special care unit). I remember recoginising the 'wonkiness' and denying it completely. Medical training goes out the window. I'm not great at story telling but you put into words all those intial confused feelings perfectly. Can't wait to hear more!
Posted on July 6, 2010
What a lovely story,made me laugh and cry,poppy is gorgeous,look forward to the next installement.x
Posted on July 6, 2010
Great story sue, made me laugh and cry, so touching. Great writer!
Poppy you are such a popstar like your Mammy xxx
Posted on July 7, 2010
Hey Sue,
Beautifully written and heartfelt. You and Wes are definitely blessed with a special family. The love, respect, wonder and humour that you have will give your little people all that they need to take on the world. Poppy couldn't have chosen better.
Much love
Jess
xxx
Posted on July 7, 2010
What a beautiful, well written story Sue. It is amazing, but you did always have a way with words.
Max, Lucy and of course little poppy are very lucky to have a Mum like you. Im sure Poppy knew you had something extra special to give.
Lorraine
Xxx
Posted on July 7, 2010
susan what abeautiful funny and moving story. It made me cry and laugh all at same time .It was even more moving because i know this was your reality . Poppy is gorgeous .Look forward to hearing more . Phyllis Messitt.
Posted on July 7, 2010
Sue, i know i heard bits of this before but i sat here reading this, imagining you tell the story and laughed so much that tears came....... then just tears came. but when i look at poppy i smile cos shes so gorgeous with such a perefct little smile, and your so fantastic to be so strong and i look forward to reading more with a glass of vino! way to go!!
Posted on July 7, 2010
Hello Sue. I too laughed at the way you tell the story. Brought me back to the time I was expecting and had my own children, it rung so true - though it was not so dramatic!
But it also brought me back to my Grandson Cathal's birth... the shock of the realisation, the inability to process it... Waiting for more.
Poppy looks so cute!
Posted on July 7, 2010
i've heard the tiniest bits of the birth of poppy but thats brilliant sue...well done its so funny and so moving aswell.....shes gorgeous xx
Posted on July 8, 2010
Sue, I laughed and I cried..... WRITE THE BOOK.
Poppy is just adorable and very much loved and that's the best any child could ever ask for.
Posted on July 8, 2010
Just had my 4th read of your story Sue, I'll probably read it everyday. I feel like I was a fly on the wall that night just because you put it across so vividly and honestly. Max, Lucy and Popstar are so lucky to have you and Wes, you really are an inspiration. See you soon xxx
Posted on July 8, 2010
Sue, You've just had everyone in this library in the Welsh Hills laughing and crying and feeling very moved. Someone who can express themselves by evoking the feeling of a broken heart through referring to a smashing saucer was instantly vivid and So Real!!! A book must follow this as we're dying to hear more. Poppy looks like a little dote and Max and Lucy are lucky to have a Mum who is able to pick herself up and carry on. With a partner like Wes I'm sure that together you will find a path as a family that is positive for all of you. Well done you !!!!
Posted on July 12, 2010
Hi Sue, I am like your reader above and have read this so many times and each time I laugh and I most definitely cry. I feel very lucky to have been able to spend some time with Poppy and know that she is indeed a little dote and a gorgeous happy baby. To see her face light up when she sees her Mammy is so amazing. The memoirs are calling out to be written so please do!!!! Love to Max, Lucy, Poppy and you and Wes, enjoy the rest of your break and thanks for being you xxx
Posted on July 16, 2010
Sue, what an amazing story. Reading it here in work and am now late going to a course i'm on. Will be walking into it with tears streaming down my face.
She's beautiful xxxxx
Posted on July 21, 2010
What a wonderful and vivid description of Poppy's birth. My daughter Joanna almost arrived at home also so I could so easily have been fishing for her in my PJs too! Poppy is a beautiful little girl. Thank you for sharing your story. Looking forward to reading more.
Martina
Posted on July 27, 2010
First time to read your blog, loved it. Sue I always knew you had the gift of the gab but to put it into words like that is brilliant. You should both be very proud of yourselves! Looking forward to seeing you and your lovely family in the near future!
Posted on July 28, 2010
See this is why I love the internet.
These days I never cry about my baby having DS but when I read blogs like yours I have the big sob that I need to have and let out all the grief that is of course lurking behind the utter joy at being a mammy to my gorgeous girl.
Congrats on your lovely Poppy and thanks for your post
Posted on August 6, 2010
Ailish Kavanagh
Ann Wheeler
Barbara Hallahan
Marinet vanVuren
Allan Cuthbert
Colin Reilly
Edward O'Brien
Justin Blake
Natan Gendelman 
Stacy Menz
Grett O'Connor
Pascale Claes (aka Nana)
Susan Longmore
This made me laugh,such a funny story even though I'm sure it wasn't a bit funny at the time....Does Wes like it? I think you should write a book....Welcome baby Poppy into the world,you are a beautiful little girl -Ais x
Posted on July 6, 2010