That night I am sitting there talking to my very wise friend Jane (VWFJ) who is getting married in 5 weeks. We are talking about her dress (or lack thereof - she still has no dress and doesn’t seem fazed!), the cake, the bridesmaids etc and she starts talking about acceptance and I think WOWeeee…now there’s a word! The words ‘I accept what shape I am and I am going to do it my way”, shocked me to the core. The pure honesty of it turned a light switch on in my head (it’s lit forever now) and I suddenly realise that I AM MISSING THE ACCEPTANCE GENE!

So is this a good thing? Or is it a bad thing? Or is it a little of both? I think VWFJ is amazing in her acceptance and with that I begin to realise and understand why I am the way I am. Why my glass is never half full or half empty…..it’s always spilling over! I refuse to accept that my Beyonce style derriere has to stay this size which is why I pound the roads day and night, eat porridge and salad, in the hope that the VNFFL will utter those magic words, “Well done Sue, down 3lbs!” Music to my ears.

It makes me realise also that this is why even after being 10, 20, 25lbs down, that after the initial joy of hearing those magical words, I still end up feeling fat!  I am left wondering is it because I refuse to accept that this is it, that I am happy in my own skin? Is this what drives me to walk and walk and walk and eat straw?

Is it my lack of the acceptance gene that made the extra one in Poppy harder or easier to accept? When they told us Poppy had Down syndrome I point blank refused to ACCEPT it. This wasn’t happening to me. I am a nice person, a nice, healthy, good person. I was looking at this baby and point blank refusing to accept it. I didn’t want anyone to look in the incubator because if they could “see it” then I would have to believe and accept it.

Then they lost the chromosome tests, brill stuff, sure that’s a definite sign! It’s not true; Princess Poppy is happy and healthy, amazing and brilliant. She is perfect in every way.  

I always believe the best; I refuse to get dragged down by negative thoughts. I know in my heart and soul PP is perfect to us. She breastfeeds, she takes 4 different types of bottle, she started on solids at 4 months, she now eats lumpy foods, has been flipping over for months and months and has started to crawl.